


Hammering Hooves

by littlelucifermotherfucker



Series: Hobbit Oneshots [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Cryptid witch is the dream, Gen, Magic, Maybe will have a second part, Normal life to middle earth, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-29 00:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20073208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelucifermotherfucker/pseuds/littlelucifermotherfucker
Summary: You gain goat hooves, a cat and a company of 13 dwarves and a hobbit.





	Hammering Hooves

**Author's Note:**

> I may edit this to be more in depth at a later date but this is the best for now as its late

You had quite a shock when you woke up. Instead of your normal body parts had been replaced with, goaty bits. By goaty bits it meant legs, horns and ears.

Your horns are curved and round, with hard ridges. They are the traditional looking horns. You are fully equipped with the legs, hooves and ears. You look shocked. You wobble on your hooves. Unsteady. 

You get the hang of it after a few small steps around your apartment. Your head is unbalanced and heavy. You had thought that your day would be easy and normal. Yet it isn’t. Despite heavy goat hooves you still get ready as normal. Opting for pyjama bottoms. 

Mainly because nothing else would go over your hooves. You grab breakfast, making a porridge with berries. Breakfast is good and as you brush your teeth you sigh. You had a lunch date. A text soon cancels it. 

You begin to potter about your flat, watering your houseplants and beginning to tidy. As you hang your clean laundry in your wardrobe you hear a bang. You stop. Then there’s more. Bang. Bang. Bang. One after another. You leave your room and go into the lounge. You are met with 13 dwarves and a hobbit groaning in a heap. You go back into your room to process this for a second. 

You have goat legs. Now 13 dwarves are in your flat, along with a hobbit. What are you supposed to do? You think and sigh. Heading back into the lounge, you see several stood confused with weapons raised. A few are getting up and Fili and Kili are tugging Bombur onto his feet. 

You go in. You get spotted and wave awkwardly. You get glared at, before their looks turn to confusion. The legs. You sigh, closing your eyes. You just get stared at by the company. Introducing yourself and an explanation is very awkward. 

The explaination attempt is weak. Mainly as you don’t have any idea what happened. To you. You don’t know how they got here either. “…I can’t tell you anything else. Mainly because I don’t know anything else.” You awkwardly shuffle on your hooves. 

The dwarves share a look, and you wait patiently for their response. You are yet to explain your appliances. Or the fact that they are fictional. 

Thorin looks at you. “Very well.” He grumbles before continuing. “Although I would like to have some form of proof.” You turn and grab a map off your bookshelf. You rifle through it, before passing it to him. 

The company look over it confused and their tone is quiet. Too low for you to hear. You hear a knock and go to the door. You look through the peep hole to see a guy you dated once. He’s obsessed. Can your day get any worse? 

“Hi Dan. Look now isn’t a great time.” You tell him. He begins to protest. “Dan please. I’m not feeling well.”

“Then let me look after you.” He asks. You shake your head. 

“No. You will make me feel better by leaving.” He does and you know he will be texting you all day now. You huff and lead you r head against the door after he has left. 

You hear footsteps behind you and your goat ears twitch backwards. “Y/n? I thought that I saw something when we came here. I told the dwarves and the didn’t see it. I was wondering if you had seen anything?” You hear Bilbo ask, and you turn. 

“That depends on what it was Bilbo.” Your legs are longer and you’re a good few inches taller than normal. Instead of being 5ft, you are now 5’4” if not more. You are looking down at Bilbo considerably. Bilbo frowns. 

“Well I saw a large Black cat with bright yellow eyes.” You hum. Thinking gently. “Did you see anything?”

“No. Although my neighbour has a cat like that. Its called Beardie. He’s very friendly. I wonder why you saw him?” You explain, moving past him. You go back into the lounge slash kitchen and sigh. There are several dwarves, all staring at a big fluffy cat. Beardie. Its as if he heard you talking about him. 

The window is no longer ajar, and is now big enough for a certain cat to get in. He comes over to you and rubs against your legs purring loudly. “You know you cant be in here.” You murmur to him. 

“This is important.” You squeak and tumble back. You understood him. “Calm down y/n. I can help. These dwarves are here by mistake. That does not change the danger they are in. I am a familiar to Lionel. He is a witch. He wants to change the path of the future, and is practising with these dwarves.” He moves away hopping onto the kitchen side. “The other side affect is your goat legs. All of this will change their fates. He must not know they are here. By doing all of this he is breaking many rules of being a witch. This means I can becomes someone else’s familiar. I am choosing you.”

Clearly all of this explains the blind spots. It also spells out disaster. Danger. Now obviously to the dwarves and the hobbit in the room, you look insane. They cant even speak given the fact that you are talking fluently to a cat. 

“Do you accept y/n? Me as your familiar?” You flap your mouth. “I am inherently a familiar, and you do not need to be a witch for me to be yours.” 

“Sure. I accept. But there is the problem of getting them back and fixing my legs. He lays down on the counter his tail swishing. “I do not think that you will be staying here after they are returned home. It would only leave them open for a repeat incident. You must protect them now. I will help you form the spells to get them home. I am the one who redirected them to you.”

With the new information, you sit them all down and as you brew several teas and coffee you explain what Beardie told you. The dwarves sigh and look even more lost and concerned than before. The next lot of explanations was about the basics of your kitchen appliances. 

The rest of the day was spent explaining, preventing your flat from being smashed and bulk cooking bolognaise sauce for dinner. The dwarves help, making space for sleeping later, putting all their weapons in the hall, and their boots. Bilbo, Bombur and Kili all help you to cook, getting excited at all the herbs and ingredients. 

Eventually you have fed them all and they are all asleep. You can’t sleep and you only doze off when Beardie lays next to you and purrs.

Several days pass, and you order all your groceries online. Dan comes back all three mornings and you turn him away every time. You have also been prepping the spell to get them home. All of the dwarves manage to do some tidying, and cooking. They even help you prepare the spell. 

Beardie has been noticed missing, and when Lionel came to the door to ask you said you. Hadn’t seen him. Assuming nothing was amiss given the dwarves quietness, he left without too many questions. 

The next day started off the same. Today Thorin was helping with breakfast and you were finalising the spell. As usual the door knocks. Sighing you go to it, and today when you unlock it, Dan pushes his way in. 

You fall backwards, pushing Fili and Bilbo over. You groan and start to stand when you see Dan stood in the doorway, just pointing with his mouth open. You scramble upwards and tug him in closing the door. There are several faces poking through the doorway. You watch Dan scra,ble for words and then He just topples. 

Thump. You panic, yet before anything can be done, there’s a dizzying feeling, and then you are falling. 

You wake up in Middle Earth with Beardie by your side. The dwarves and Bilbo have been returned to where they were last and you are stranded in the wilderness. At least that’s what you think, until you hear a rustling, and meet none other than Gandalf. 

You know that yo are now going to become the witch cryptid of the lonely mountain.


End file.
